The concept of a happily married life usually differs for Muslims. For us, marriage or any aspect of life is incomplete until carried out in accordance with Islam. Allah has declared the nikah as a special sacred contract between a husband and a wife that saves the two from committing any sins.
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” [Qur’an: Chapter 30, Verse 21]
The sad reality is that numerous Muslims are extremely unhappy in their marriage which in itself can deviate spouses from the divine path to a path of sin. Islam, however, is a complete code of life and provides us with tips and teachings for leading a happily married life.
Here we will discuss some actions that can be adopted.
1. Love and Faith
The most crucial aspect of a happy marriage in Islam is having faith and loving each other for the sake of Allah. If both spouses have a strong faith in Allah then that alone is bound to bring the two together. Secondly, loving each other for Allah is simply put, loving on the basis of obedience to Allah.
It means to love each other to the extent to want to be reunited in the hereafter and to bring each other closer to Allah and stop each other from committing sins. Couples unknowingly bring each other close to Allah in a number of different ways e.g. from encouraging honesty, helping each other forgive, adopting a kinder and gentler behavior, and so on.
2. Strong Communication
Communication is key to a happily married life. It’s important for spouses to open and communicate with one another like best friends. A common mistake that a look of couples make is getting caught up in their daily life and children and neglecting their spouse. It’s extremely important for communication to be fluid in good and bad times. Being open to one another is enough to convey your emotions, worries, love, and care. You should be eager to talk to one another at the end of the day, to share your day, to joke, and even flirt.
Aisha (may Allāh be pleased with her) narrated that:
Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said to her: “I know when you are pleased with me or angry with me.” I said, “Whence do you know that?” He said, “When you are pleased with me, you say, ‘No, by the Lord of Muhammad,’ but when you are angry with me, then you say, ‘No, by the Lord of Abraham.’ ” Thereupon I said, “Yes (you are right), but by Allah, O Allah’s Messenger, I leave nothing but your name.” [Bukhari]
3. Awareness of Each Other’s Needs
One of the most common causes of marital discord and even divorce is the neglect of the spouse’s needs. Now the exact needs may differ from person to person and will vary from the husband and wife however we can all agree that there are some primary needs that pertain to all of us. In order to lead a happily married life its important to be aware of these needs and fulfill them. Everyone has the need for love, respect, physical and emotional satisfaction.
As far your spouse’s particular needs are concerned, that can easily be resolved by adopting open communication as advised before. Talk to each other about your needs and expectations of each other so that neither spouse holds any resentment towards one another.
4. Give Each Other Space
This can be challenging, as couples become so accustomed to each other that they forget that we are all separate beings requiring our own personal space.
Love the one whom you love in moderation, for the day may come when you have to hate that one (for the sake of Allah). And hate the one whom you hate in moderation, for the day may come when you have to love that one (for the sake of Allah). (At-Tirmidhi)
We need to understand that we do not hold a sole right on our spouses and must give them the freedom to see their other responsibilities.
5. Aware of Allah in Conflicts
No doubt, minor conflicts are inevitable in all marriages and the solution to a happily married life is not the avoidance of all conflicts rather managing the conflicts to prevent them from escalating. The way to go about this would be to keep Allah in mind and to be aware of his presence at all times because is all-knowing and is watching all our moves. Keeping him in mind can help us control our anger and prevent a conflict in the first place.
“I guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right… ” [Abu Dawud]
It’s extremely important to be grateful for each other at all times, ratchet than take each other for granted. Marriage in Islam is a sacred and blessed relationship but we often fall for the evil of taking those closest to use for granted which can lead to feelings of not underappreciation.
If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.” [Qur’an: Chapter 14, Verse 7]
There are so many things to be thankful for each other too. Spouses are each other’s support system, they earn and fulfill their basic needs, they cook for each other and much more. If we take a closer look at our own lives we will realize all the things we have to be thankful for due to marriage.
Following these tips will lead people on the path of happiness in their marriage however there is still a lot more that needs to be done by couples. There is a greater need for couples to understand each other and make a more deliberate effort for a happy marriage in the light of the Quran and Sunnah.